Train Wreck in Hollister! Dozens Injured!

Yes, you read that right, ladies and gentlemen. A train wreck, right here in quaint little Hollister. It happened at the First Presbyterian Church of Hollister where Calvary Chapel Hollister Fellowship was having its annual Christmas Potluck Dinner. I'm sorry to say that the entire congregation of the Hollister Fellowship was involved in this unfortunate accident, and, though the survivors might say otherwise, they will bear scars that will last them a lifetime.

You see, as the bass player for the worship team, I was asked last night by the worship leader to help play a song I had never played before as part of the worship service preceding the potluck dinner. Our alloted practice time, zero.

Against my better judgement, I agreed.

What followed was unmitigated disaster of the highest order. Had last night's events been recorded on video, the period of time during which this particular song was being played would have been marked by a slow pan of the camera across the room, with Barber's "Adagio for Strings" playing in the background as church members reached up to cover their ears in slow motion, twisted expressions of agony on their tortured faces...

OK, it wasn't quite that bad, but it was bad enough that, halfway through, I had to stop playing because I was so far off.

Thankfully, the second song was one with which I am so familiar that I could almost certainly play it in my sleep. It still wasn't great, as I hadn't had any time to warm up my chops, but it was certainly better than the first one.

It was certainly a lesson learned, for my worship leader if for no one else. Never let Sergio play without at least one dry run.

On Children in Love with the Lord

As I sat in church on Wednesday night (yes, I'm posting this a few days late, sue me), singing to the Lord in praise; at one point, I opened my eyes and looked over at my pastor's daughter. She was lifting her hands up in praise as she sang, totally lost in her love for our Lord. It was a beautiful thing to witness. I'm ashamed to admit that, for a brief moment, I envied her father. If it is beautiful to me to see a child lost in her love for the Lord, how much more beautiful of a sight must it be for her father?

I want that. I want it so bad it hurts. Adding to my distress is the possibility that a family may not be what the Lord wants for me. I honestly have no indication that that is the case, other than the fact that I'm 31 years old and single. But as I now find myself at a point in my life where I am seeking to know His will for me, with every intention of carrying it out, well, it's a possibility I must now consider.

On Dancing, Spandex, and Bitterness

So I'm at this party (no story which begins in such a manner can end well). Said party is being thrown by a Hispanic couple with lots of Hispanic friends. The music for said party is primarily cumbia, with some salsa and merengue thrown in for flavor (unpleasant tasting though it may be). Someone asks me if I want to dance. My polite response?

"No thank you, I'm not much of a dancer." Now, that's what I said. What I thought was, "Two things, sweetie. One, I do not dance (if my ex-wife tells you different, I assure you she can't prove anything). Two, if I did dance, it would most assuredly not be to this crap."

I had to pretend to like this stuff two months ago when I DJ'd pretty much this exact same party. I have no such requirements being imposed upon my taste tonight. I can sulk quietly in the corner if I so choose.

Parties seem to turn me into a judgemental jerk. I find myself looking at people and making snap judgements about them:

• You! Spandex is a priviledge, not a right.
• You! The sooner you quit snapping your fingers while you dance, the sooner I can stop feeling embarrassed on your behalf, ya spaz.
• And you! You're hot, but stop freaking on your sister! Seriously, that's just plain gross.

Yeah. I can be a jerk sometimes. Like when I'm pretty much the only person at the party who's not having any fun.

I really felt the loneliness tonight. I mean, of course I've been conscious of the fact that I have no social life whatsoever since I moved back out here, but tonight I really felt it. As I sat alone at that party, all I could think about was how I really needed a Ben and/or a Crystal to commiserate with, or a Dan and/or a Dave to mock a few party-goers with, and then go home and jam with.

But, for now, at least, my work is here. And theirs is there. And alone I shall remain, sulking quietly in the corner. For now.

Going Kinetic

I'm a pretty poor excuse for a writer, aren't I? The words don't flow like they should. I'm like a river caught up by a dam. The force of all that water is there, but it's all potential energy. There's a wall holding me back, keeping the potential from becoming kinetic. And isn't that what it's all about? Being kinetic, I mean. Flowing from point A to point B like the purest form of energy. Communicating thoughts like a landslide, an unstoppable torrent of thought.

But here I sit, like soil too dry, too dense with foliage to go anywhere. The inclination is there, but the earth won't flow. It's all just potential. Potential like a thousand pound weight suspended over my head, just waiting to become kinetic so it can convert the matter that is my brain into energy. Energy that turns a blank page into a repository of knowledge and information, useless though it may be. The font of useless knowledge, that's me. Glad to know you.

And who are you? Just another stop on the way to nowhere in this landslide that is my life. Just waiting for the rain to fall so it can start. But the rain won't come, so here I am. All potential, no kinetic.

The Opportunist

Luke 4:13 - "When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time."

And that's really what the devil's all about, isn't it? He's nothing but an opportunist, with all the negative connotations that word entails. Like the disease-ridden mosquito that waits for the opportune moment to strike, to steal away your life blood, small, almost imperceptible amounts at a time, so is the enemy. He lurks, never putting himself at risk, watching, waiting until an opportunity presents itself, and then he strikes.

But I place my hope in the Lord God Almighty. I will not fear. I will be wise to the devil's workings, but I will not fear him.