Monday, December 17, 2007
You see, as the bass player for the worship team, I was asked last night by the worship leader to help play a song I had never played before as part of the worship service preceding the potluck dinner. Our alloted practice time, zero.
Against my better judgement, I agreed.
What followed was unmitigated disaster of the highest order. Had last night's events been recorded on video, the period of time during which this particular song was being played would have been marked by a slow pan of the camera across the room, with Barber's "Adagio for Strings" playing in the background as church members reached up to cover their ears in slow motion, twisted expressions of agony on their tortured faces...
OK, it wasn't quite that bad, but it was bad enough that, halfway through, I had to stop playing because I was so far off.
Thankfully, the second song was one with which I am so familiar that I could almost certainly play it in my sleep. It still wasn't great, as I hadn't had any time to warm up my chops, but it was certainly better than the first one.
It was certainly a lesson learned, for my worship leader if for no one else. Never let Sergio play without at least one dry run.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I want that. I want it so bad it hurts. Adding to my distress is the possibility that a family may not be what the Lord wants for me. I honestly have no indication that that is the case, other than the fact that I'm 31 years old and single. But as I now find myself at a point in my life where I am seeking to know His will for me, with every intention of carrying it out, well, it's a possibility I must now consider.
Friday, December 14, 2007
"No thank you, I'm not much of a dancer." Now, that's what I said. What I thought was, "Two things, sweetie. One, I do not dance (if my ex-wife tells you different, I assure you she can't prove anything). Two, if I did dance, it would most assuredly not be to this crap."
I had to pretend to like this stuff two months ago when I DJ'd pretty much this exact same party. I have no such requirements being imposed upon my taste tonight. I can sulk quietly in the corner if I so choose.
Parties seem to turn me into a judgemental jerk. I find myself looking at people and making snap judgements about them:
- You! Spandex is a priviledge, not a right.
- You! The sooner you quit snapping your fingers while you dance, the sooner I can stop feeling embarrassed on your behalf, ya spaz.
- And you! You're hot, but stop freaking on your sister! Seriously, that's just plain gross.
Yeah. I can be a jerk sometimes. Like when I'm pretty much the only person at the party who's not having any fun.
I really felt the loneliness tonight. I mean, of course I've been conscious of the fact that I have no social life whatsoever since I moved back out here, but tonight I really felt it. As I sat alone at that party, all I could think about was how I really needed a Ben and/or a Crystal to commiserate with, or a Dan and/or a Dave to mock a few party-goers with, and then go home and jam with.
But, for now, at least, my work is here. And theirs is there. And alone I shall remain, sulking quietly in the corner. For now.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
But here I sit, like soil too dry, too dense with foliage to go anywhere. The inclination is there, but the earth won't flow. It's all just potential. Potential like a thousand pound weight suspended over my head, just waiting to become kinetic so it can convert the matter that is my brain into energy. Energy that turns a blank page into a repository of knowledge and information, useless though it may be. The font of useless knowledge, that's me. Glad to know you.
And who are you? Just another stop on the way to nowhere in this landslide that is my life. Just waiting for the rain to fall so it can start. But the rain won't come, so here I am. All potential, no kinetic.
Friday, December 7, 2007
And that's really what the devil's all about, isn't it? He's nothing but an opportunist, with all the negative connotations that word entails. Like the disease-ridden mosquito that waits for the opportune moment to strike, to steal away your life blood, small, almost imperceptible amounts at a time, so is the enemy. He lurks, never putting himself at risk, watching, waiting until an opportunity presents itself, and then he strikes.
But I place my hope in the Lord God Almighty. I will not fear. I will be wise to the devil's workings, but I will not fear him.