Ambivalence

I realized the other day that I both love and hate Las Vegas. It's such a weird feeling to gaze upon something that elicits such disgust, but then to think back on it with warm and fuzzies.

I hate Vegas because, as I mentioned in my previous post, it is a shining symbol of everything that's wrong with humanity. Sickening excess as far as the eye can see. In a world so filled with poverty, that such a place even exists borders on nauseating.

But simultaneously, I have so many warm memories of this place. I had a lot of fun in Vegas as a child, with my family. But more importantly, Vegas is where I married the love of my life. And though that marriage is now over, I still look back on our brief honeymoon in Vegas as one of the happiest times in my life. It was a time when all was right with the world. In fact, up to that point in my life, it may have been the first and only time that all had been right with the world.

I was in the Luxor the other day. I was walking around their "family friendly" area, where there are restaurants, museums, arcades, gift shops, etc. Sunny and I had spent a lot of time there. Neither of us has ever been big on gambling, so we spent the week seeing the sights instead. So there I was, walking those same shops and restaurants where, just seven years prior, I had walked with my beautiful bride. I was flooded with warm, wonderful memories. Later that night, I put on my headphones and drifted away listening to "I Need You" by LeAnn Rimes. That song more than any other reminds me of those wonderful days. I just listened, and remembered, and smiled.

So there's some insight into my love-hate relationship with the city of Las Vegas. I wish I could say that I wanted nothing more to do with it, but I don't know if that will ever be the case. Perhaps, Lord willing, one day, a new honeymoon memory, an even happier one, will arise to replace the old. Until that day, a piece of my broken heart will remain in that city in the middle of the Nevada desert.